Part one in the continuing saga of me making an ass out of myself.

So I'm driving up to UPS with some gear to ship out.

I get out of the car, shut the door, and realize I locked my keys in the car. And the sky is starting to cloud up really bad.

I walk up to UPS - they closed about 10 minutes ago.

So I'm walking around the parking lot with about $500 of boutique electronic gear, waiting for it to pour rain.

I go into BigLots, and buy a cheap 2 pack of screwdrivers for a dollar.

Now all these cute girls are walking by, and I'm trying to jack my car open with a screwdriver, and they're staring at me like I'm nuts.

And then who walks up but the lady who cuts my hair (and who probably just gave me the worst haircut of my life.)

And she climbs into a $70,000 Lexus and drives away. WTF!

While I'm breaking into my car with a 50 cent screwdriver.

Where the hell is the cymbal crash!
Dude, that blows. Funny story though, just glad it wasn't me, but seems like soemthing that would happen to me

Oh, yes it blew!

2 hours and one broken door lock later, I'm here with a beer. So that's better

quote:

Originally posted by Gil:
Oh, yes it blew!

2 hours and one broken door lock later, I'm here with a beer. So that's better

All's well that ends well.

Look on the bright side...Nobody mugged ya and took yer gear.

quote:

Look on the bright side...Nobody mugged ya and took yer gear

For sure! Good thing WillieBudda was not lurking around

I was waiting for the cops to bust me

Some cars can be broken into with a length of bent wire. Always useful for those locked car/raining episodes, I've been there.

Anyway beer is a good cure for broken locks.

quote:

Originally posted by JackButler:

quote:

Look on the bright side...Nobody mugged ya and took yer gear

For sure! Good thing WillieBudda was not lurking around

Hehehehehe---Arrrrrhh! Me was waiting to pounce his bones, arrrhhh!

Gil,
Let me make you feel MUCH better. When I was 17 I worked landscape maintenance (that's a fancy word for cutting grass) at a very prestegious golf course/subdivision, one of the nicest in the US. One day, my boss Jeff, tells me I need to "edge" all the fire hydrants, signs, etc by the road way--this is several miles worth. He doesn't give me a weed-eater (which I was a damn near artist with), he gives me a MACHETTE!! Well, I've never used one, but I also have to WALK most of the road ways and it's 95+ degrees with South Carolina humidity.

Let me back up a sec. During lunch, a bunch of guys I work with were giddy and overly excited about something. I ask what's the hoopla about, and they inform me that TEENAGE GIRL MODELS will be coming on the island today for a photo shoot!!! Enough to get all us guys teenage fellers wired up/hormone city!!

Back to me with the MACHETTE. I couldn't really get the hang of edging with it and well, I cut myself--badly. Each thumb got a bad and deep cut and my left hand too. I kept working, didn't hurt too bad. About an hour after the cuts, I felt a bit dizzy--I looked down and my WHITE SHIRT is covered in blood--I MEAN ALOT OF BLOOD. I have blood on both arms, my face, and all over my light colored blue jeans. Just when I figured out that I look like something out of a horror movie, here comes a big black cadillac, loaded with, you guessed it--about 8 of the hottest little gals I've ever seen. The look on their face as I waved, covered in blood, with a MACHETTE in hand was to say the least, PRICELESS. It was sheer TERROR. I'm a dork.


Feel betta??

quote:

Originally posted by CS:
Some cars can be broken into with a length of bent wire. Always useful for those locked car/raining episodes, I've been there.

Anyway beer is a good cure for broken locks.

I used to have a car when I graduated that had different trunk and door keys. I only had a trunk key so I had a pre bent coathanger in the trunk that I would unlock the car with. I could have gotten keys made but I was to busy using my money on Booze ,Women and Guitar gear to waste on such things as keys that work.

quote:

Back to me with the MACHETTE. I couldn't really get the hang of edging with it and well, I cut myself--badly. Each thumb got a bad and deep cut and my left hand too. I kept working, didn't hurt too bad. About an hour after the cuts, I felt a bit dizzy--I looked down and my WHITE SHIRT is covered in blood--I MEAN ALOT OF BLOOD. I have blood on both arms, my face, and all over my light colored blue jeans. Just when I figured out that I look like something out of a horror movie, here comes a big black cadillac, loaded with, you guessed it--about 8 of the hottest little gals I've ever seen. The look on their face as I waved, covered in blood, with a MACHETTE in hand was to say the least, PRICELESS. It was sheer TERROR. I'm a dork.

Now THAT'S FUNNY LMAO!!!!!!!!!!

quote:

Originally posted by CS:
Some cars can be broken into with a length of bent wire. Always useful for those locked car/raining episodes, I've been there.

Anyway beer is a good cure for broken locks.

I wish! I did the coat hanger thing, and totally got the handle. But, my car has a lock protection to stop vandles and (or like) me.

I had that thing hooked and pulled, and it wouldn't freaking open.

Thanks for the thought, though.

Thanks for the story, Willie!

Blood beats break in

I'm not the dork king!

In the 80s when I was young I worked at this club My Fathers Place in LI NY. I closed the club, then went to this bar down the block with everyone that worked there to party and hang out....

about 5 AM I go back to my car and I had left the keys in the bar which is now locked up...so Im really tiried and I pull a refrig box out of the dumpster and lay down on it by my car....and fall asleep...

I wake up 7 hours later at Noon.....sunburn, and cut from all the big brass staples in the box....with 10 5 yrs old looking at me from the church next door....it is now Sunday morning....

Lady comes by...dont look at the homeless man.....

I stood up sunburn, bleeding, hungover...Im not a bum..this is my car...I have no keys but its my car....I swear....

Man, Teddy, you and Willie have much worse stories! And funnier, too.

Now I feel like a looser at humiliating myself!

I'm going to go out and fuck up right!

quote:

Originally posted by Gil:
Man, Teddy, you and Willie have much worse stories! And funnier, too.

Now I feel like a looser at humiliating myself!

I'm going to go out and fuck up right!

Man I guess I haven't really lived yet.

Wow! This is cracking me up! I've locked myself out once, but called a locksmith. What a cop-out. Shoulda used my mad Homer Simpson/caveman/MacGyver skills instead so I could contribute. D'oh!

quote:

Originally posted by dosmun:

quote:

Originally posted by Gil:
Man, Teddy, you and Willie have much worse stories! And funnier, too.

Now I feel like a looser at humiliating myself!

I'm going to go out and fuck up right!

Man I guess I haven't really lived yet.

All right, that does it!

Give me a Machette and a cardboard box

Yes, anything to ease the shame/pain of a fellow forumite. It's not like you guys can get mad at me, after all I am a blood soaked, Machette wielding maniac!

Good news--I've had really high (bad) cholesterol problems the last few months, had a check up today and the Dr. said that he's NEVER seen a turn around as good as mine!! I've really been bothered by this.

Silly news (not true), the Dr. says I can have one drink per day...

Congrats, man! Glad the health is looking better.