They're back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences
actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services.
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> - The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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> - The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
> The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
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> - Our youth basketball team is back in action, Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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> - Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping
around the house. Bring your husbands.
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> - The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
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> - Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to
love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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> - Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.>

> - Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the
congregation.
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> - For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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> - Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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> - The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth into Joy."
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> - Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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> - A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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> - At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to
our choir practice.
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> - Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and the
deterioration of some older ones.
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> - Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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> - Please place your donation in the envelope, along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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> - The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment, and gracious hostility.
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> - Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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> - The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement
on Friday afternoon.
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> - This evening at 7 PM, there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a
blanket and come prepared to sin.
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> - Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall, after the B.S. is done.
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> - The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric
girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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> - Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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> - The eight-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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> - Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
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> - The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

Thanks, that was wonderful.

Those were really funny! Thanks.

quote:

Originally posted by Gil:
Those were really funny! Thanks.

Yeah those are funny. I have gotten these in emails before but some of those I hadnt read. I wonder who compiled all of these. One church with poor editing skills or many churches with typos?

It makes me wonder if there are some "subversives" working at the churches!